Sunday, March 16, 2014

Three Men and their Romance Writing

I have this strange memory that surfaces when I participate in interviews. It's from Beaches when Bette Midler's character is watching herself on a talk show and answers to some question, all dramatically, after begging herself from the couch to not go and say it, "I would say that C. C. feels things." Then the C. C. from the couch turns to the little girl and asks what she thinks. The girls says, "I thought you sounded kind of dumb."

That haunts me! Although I also think Stephen King was onto something when he said in On Writing, that if you're going to agree to give an interview you have to have something to say. In my case, I've been interviewed by generous people who gave me an opportunity on their blogs, so short of making something up, (The example Stephen King gave in the book was that he once lied and said he didn't write on Easter, Christmas, and his birthday) which I wouldn't be comfortable doing, I attempt to push through my comfort zone and offer something.

Which isn't usually difficult for me, I have strong opinions, but I'm also quite sensitive, especially on the topic of gender stereotypes and the effects of sexism in the erotica writing world. As usual, I probably over stepped, but I was fortunate for two reasons. The author of the article, PM White, did a great job weaving my statements into a balanced article and because Willsin Rowe added a fantastic point I missed. To my point that there are some sex-based biases in the world of romance reading and writing that we would all benefit from having cleaned up, a bit, he offers that it's a relatively, in the context of obvious worse issues in the past, soft issue.

Please check out the article here: http://www.write-sex.com/?p=1792 

  

Saturday, March 8, 2014

To Write Books or to Play Video Games?

Is "Keep Writing/Don't Give Up" advice you give?
 
Lately I find myself steering away from giving that kind of advice. When my writing friends post their frustrations (which seems to happen only occasionally, everyone seems to try and present a positive outlook), I like to offer encouragement but I'm more likely to say things like, "Try to focus on enjoying the work," if their complaint is about sales and reaching readers. I've reached a point where I feel like telling people to not give up and keep writing is a way of telling them that the book sales and the reaching readers they desire are just around the corner. And I worry that I might be presenting false hope. The reality is the readers most of us are hoping for probably aren't around the corner.

What I would really like to tell writers struggling with whether or not they want to keep going is to take a quick break and consider if the joy and satisfaction you get from sitting and writing, from doing the work, is enough to keep you going by itself. If all those hopes and dreams of gaining readers and all that might come with that were to go away, would you still write? The answer doesn't have to be yes. Writers give a lot to the blank page and it's okay to want more back, whether it's more communication with an actual person or financial compensation for our investment of time.

I've done this on numerous occasions and I always quickly come back to yes as my answer, but that has to do with a lot more than just me as a writer, that has to do with me as a person. I don't have a challenging day job, I'm not a religious person, and these are two important holes in my life writing fills. I also have the free time available to spend on writing. If I didn't write, I might play video games. That's the analogy I often fall back on when I wonder why I'm bothering when I'm feeling down about sales and gaining readers: I could purchase video games and play them till I conquer them or I could write books. Writing books, if nothing else, is cheaper. 

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Femdom Symbols

A friend asked me to read a story she'd written and comment. She apologized if "writers get that a lot," which made me laugh because that marked the first time I'd ever "gotten that." I was immensely flattered my opinion was valued. She also warned me to not expect it to be "as sensual" as my writing, which again flattered me. Then I read this story. It was well written, but I knew it would be because I was familiar with her blog and already knew she wrote well. The characters felt like they had a loving relationship as they played. I was wondering what exactly she might have meant when she said it wasn't like my writing. Then, near the end, the female character (it was a femdom story) peed on her submissive male partner.

I began writing femdom erotica for a few reasons, but one of them was that reading femdom meant running into activities that either didn't turn me on or that I didn't particular like that they turned me on. I "get" enjoying getting peed on as an expression of submission to a partner, it just goes a touch far, for me. In Serving Her, Kimberly tells Alex that peeing on him is on their "list." Their "list" is a mutual one of activities neither of them choose to participate in. It's mostly for Alex, since if Kimberly didn't want to do something, she simply wouldn't, as she tells him. But it's not a judgment against activities anyone else chooses to engage in. Kimberly spanks Alex with all kinds of implements and snaps his cock with rubber bands. Plenty of people would find that "a touch far" as an expression of love between two people. How giant of a hypocrite would I have to be to not recognize that getting peed on is simply another loving expression of dominance and submission between people different from me?

And she didn't mean, I don't think, that I would have an adverse reaction to that scene, but it struck me that she thought I would find less love between them. If two people whose tastes in femdom are close but don't quite sync up, can't come together and recognize that the love is there, how can I expect vanilla people to recognize that Kimberly and Alex share a love as strong as any two people who don't engage in female domination? Only the symbols are different, the love is the same.