Sentence Fragments in Stories.

I had an odd experience after finishing The Road by Cormac McCarthy. A book I loved. I have that book in my top five. (My top five has way more than five books in it, but still, that's saying a lot.) I read the second half in one sitting and soon after got online to read what others thought about it. Which actually isn't something I do that often, but I think that book made me want to connect with people. Most people loved it as much as I had, but a few people complained about how it was filled with sentence fragments. Now, to each his or her own, I didn't have a reaction to people having a different feeling from the book, but sentence fragments? I hadn't noticed any.

I told a friend about that, who'd read it, and he said. "You're a writer. You didn't notice all those sentence fragments?" I was so sucked into that story. I guess I was just way too far gone to notice any potentially annoying stylistic quirks.

Sentence fragments are tough, especially in this day of word processors that point every one of them out to the writers in the first draft. I try to go by feel when deciding on a sentence fragment, but I think those ugly colored lines in my word processor make me weed them out, for the most part. I still try to go by feel, but I end up using them almost as rarely as I use exclamation marks. I use them when not using them feels awkward, for instance, if I have a string of descriptive sentences that I feel need to be there, I'll make the last one a sentence fragment because it makes the rhythm feel right. And, in at least one instance, I used one for effect: a key moment in Courting Her happened in a fragment. I’m not going to include it here, not as a teaser, but because I want it, for any readers of the book, to stand out as a key moment but not to stand out as a sentence fragment. A sentence fragment, like anything else, shouldn't pull a reader out of a story, but also like anything else, because a sentence fragment pulls a certain reader out of a story doesn't always mean it shouldn't have been there. It just means it didn't work for that reader. 

How do you feel about sentence fragments when you come across them as a reader, and how do you feel about using them as a writer?        

Procrastinator's Monday Six

From Part 1 of Bottoms in Love: Tails

(Carter is trying to fight through his disappointment that the dime didn't come up heads.)

The firm tone of her husband caused Lindsey to straighten and sit up. "Ooh, are we starting?"

"I guess."

"You can't guess, if we're starting."

Carter glanced down at Lindsey's knees lightly rubbing together. "Lift up your skirt."

Six Sentence Sunday: Bottoms in Love

From Part Two: Heads

The coin comes up Carter's way and Lindsey is in control:

Carter stewed beside her. Lindsey sat primly with her hands on the steering wheel. "Kiss my cheek and we'll be off then."

After an uncomfortable glance at the still grinning team of valets, Carter, rather sulkily, leaned toward his wife and kissed her cheek.

"What's the matter? Not having fun?"

Bottoms in Love

My novelette came out with OC Press! Here’s the synopsis:

Carter and Lindsey, a married couple, are both submissive lovers. On the rare occasions they get to indulge in power exchange, the one who is forced to rule and the one who gets to obey is determined by the flip of a coin.

It features spankings and married sex, a great combination. And it’s available for 99 cents!

http://oceroticbooks.com/ebooks/licorice-whips/bottoms-in-love

Construction of a Story

I thought I'd give a quick story of how my latest story, "Afternoon Ride," came to be. I'll keep it self-contained but also include a link to it if anyone would like to read the whole thing, I'd love to have you read it.

So I guess more successful writers are always being hounded about where their ideas come from. No one's ever asked me that, but I do often try to trace the origin of a story and sometimes find I can't. I think that's just because I have enough bad ideas I discard that by the time I've settled on an idea I like I've forgotten where it came from. This story, I do remember, came to mind when I was following a biker, in my car, and he gave that biker greeting of cutting his left hand through the air to a biker coming the other way, who gave the same greeting in return.

I've never ridden a motorcycle, and I realize, especially when they're going fast, they're fairly easy to balance, but you could hit a pothole or get a blowout, you're better off holding on with both hands. It struck me that was beyond friendly to put your safety on the line to pass this greeting along to a complete stranger, who does the same for you. Kind of cool. The next thought to pop into my mind was a story an old friend told me about fifteen years ago. He was riding a Honda and gave a greeting like that to a biker on a Harley and the guy on the Harley gave him the finger. He explained how there is a friction between riders of Harleys and riders of Hondas.

To this point, I was just thinking but I got interested enough to start to wonder about how I could turn these thoughts into a story. So I took the Harley guy from my friend's story and reformed him from his ways of being kind of an asshole and had him greet a "crotch-rocket" Honda rider coming the other way. He is rewarded for this when the other rider greets him back, not by waving her hand but by opening her vest and flashing him a boob.

Then, of course, he follows her! From there I just tried to observe and let my characters surprise me. I'll leave the link to the complete story at Every Night Erotica, if anyone would like to read it.
 http://www.everynighterotica.com/afternoon-ride-gregory-allen/

Excerpt from Protege Mistress

My new novel, Protege Mistress, is now available, both in print and as an ebook, through Pink Flamingo. Kevin owes Diane a foot massage after losing a card game. They arrive at her apartment.

Kevin ventured across the living room and looked into the kitchen. A bottle of wine gurgled as Diane filled her glass. She passed him on her way by. "Grab a beer from the fridge."

A few bottles were scattered near the back. Kevin twisted the top off one and sipped. He stepped into the living room and stopped short. "What is this?"

Diane gave a slight shrug and smiled. "I'm a stickler about coasters."

"Okay, but why..."

"You're paying up on the bet, aren't you?"

"Of course."

"Well then."

Diane sat with her glass of wine on the wooden armrest of the couch, coaster underneath. The other coaster sat on the carpet just past her feet.

"So you want me to sit on the floor?"

"Not sit." Diane lifted her glass and sipped. With her legs crossed, one socked foot swung above the floor.

Kevin tried to lighten the mood with a sheepish grin, but Diane countered with a confident smile. Kevin wanted to kneel in front of her, to massage her feet, and he knew she knew. He moved forward, leaned his knees into the floor, and sat back on his heels. He took another quick sip of his beer then set it on the coaster as Diane stretched her foot toward him. Kevin took it in his hands.

"Oh yes," Diane said as soon as he began massaging, then giggled lightly. Kevin focused on his task, keeping his eyes down. He squeezed one hand around the top part of her foot and applied circular pressure underneath with his knuckles. He attempted to bring technical proficiency to performing this task to alleviate the straining in the tightening crotch of his jeans. He needed to take his mind off what he was doing before his discomfort got worse, not to mention obvious.

Diane seemed intent on not letting him. "You look so cute down there," she said. "Fitting, don't you think? You lost the bet and now have to kneel before you victor."


This excerpt continues at my publisher's website. I'll leave a link for anyone interested. Thanks!
http://www.pinkflamingo.com/products/Protege-Mistress.html

Acting like you're writing

or writing like you’re acting.

Whenever I watch DVD commentaries, the directors are always gushing over the actors, but it’s kind of cool. The director will say, “There, look at that!” And he or she is talking about a lip curl I wouldn’t have even noticed. “I didn’t even have to tell him to do that. He was just there.”

The degree I’m “there” usually determines how good a writing session I’ll have. I know next to nothing about acting, but I’ve heard the phrase (actors probably consider it a cliché of their art) ‘acting is reacting.’ The same could be said of writing. I usually sit down with an idea of where I’m going, but if I’m not in that zone where I have that heightened awareness of my characters’ thoughts, the story stalls. Whatever is introduced, whether an action or a piece of dialogue, I have to feel everyone’s reaction to it. I’m struggling through a scene right now because I’ve introduced two new characters to a story, and I don’t know them yet. I was thinking I’d be okay, since my main characters would be pushing the action, but until I know these guys well enough to make their reactions believable, the whole scene is going to feel flat.

Often the best shows and movies have a talented ensemble. In fact, the directors in the commentaries will often point out how someone who I barely noticed in a scene gave a subtle gesture or delivery of a single line that really gave the scene its vitality. Sometimes those directors get a little overly artsy in those commentaries, I’ll give you that, but I do think those little moments have an almost subconscious effect on the viewer. With writing, we’re every actor in our play. We sit down and make one act, and make everyone else react until we’re done for the day. Kind of a heavy idea to have that level of control but no wonder, when things are clicking, writing is such a rush.